I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
