Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
