Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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