she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
