let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're a waste of cheezeits
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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