Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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