I just pynch a tree in the face
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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