I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
