can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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