I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
