Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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