Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
