you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
