Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
