90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
