i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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