I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
do herpes really smell.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
