She is in my trunk
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
