I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
