My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need moral support for this bender
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
