Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is it penis luge time yet?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
