My room smells like vodka and shame
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is the high leading the old right now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
