Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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