Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
