remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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