i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
