just come out here and I will go home with you...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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