i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
