He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
