god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
