I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
