You can't special order awesome
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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