I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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