She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
