Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
