I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
