I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
