After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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