I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize