and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize