We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
