when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
