There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
