So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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