I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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