your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
