My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
