Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize