After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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