oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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