Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
