Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
