Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
