The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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