Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
