Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
