Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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