Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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