Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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