how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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