I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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