Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
