haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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