i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
