Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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