another moral hangover. fuck.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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