They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
