Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
