You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
