Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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