Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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