so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
