$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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