how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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